Collar    

                    

a summer visit long ago

brother, sis and nephews

“puppies! we have puppies uncle rob!”

twirling, falling, running, underfoot fur

one often apart from the brood

walking around a corner, two brown eyes survey me

white band of fur encircles neck

“we named him Collar” nephews declare

another moment

another corner I turn

two brown eyes

circle of white

“he chooses you” she said

“take him when you go”

how can I with condo hip car slick exec?

I have no time for fur

two brown eyes

they spoke to me

wake up!

think how good it will be

papers, rules, logistics

weeks later

jetset fur takes flight with smelly shirt

tiny cage, alone, plane noise: fear

new home: comfy cage, toys in condo chic

my queen bed not in plan

but best laid plans…

brown eyes wake with me

friends say he cries when I am gone

eyes fill with joy on my return

face to fur and muzzle

wet hello

bouncy walks along the country lane

darts into woods and reappears in distance

his head turns down and rockets to me

joy joy joy

over years old companions we become

best friends through thin

no wavering through thick

without condition

addiction creeps into my home

silent deadly footfalls

on knees I weep to god

Collar whines and paces; unsure of what to do

lonely nights in fear

danger echoes within painful days

my head against the breathing fur

comfort mine to take

coming out the other side

bouncy walks re-appear

monsters once in bed with me

go to sleep

time reaches out to my friend

his waking seems so hard

walking stiff and hurt

brown eyes reach out to me

before our last car trip

a last glance at bowl and leash

many last time moments

it’s time for Collar to rest

my face to moist nose

my arms embrace

my god

my dog

ampere premiere

daytime at canopy

on earth night tide washes over me

twilight between

silent sentries stand by the hundreds

light streaks through

path worn, firm

soft hard under my shoes

earth, stick, stone, stick, earth

electric nerve

from toe to brain

I spy leaf, moss, grass, needles

more shades than webster knows

apple, hunter, india, mint,

iris to grey matter

they all live in me

neuroelectric  pictures in my head

Just today

Who knows what mysteries lurk deep in the heart of a writer, therapist, paramedic, accountant nerd. I sure don't. The more I dive into the mysteries of my clients, the more I realize what little I know about myself.

I've been busily studying Imago Relationship Therapy with it's theory of unconscious desires and expectations people have of each other. Sometimes I think it's a miracle that anyone stays together ever!

So what's going on in the inaccessible portion of MY brain?

Don't know so I guess I'll focus on the fact that spring is actually here with summer not far behind.  This place (North Idaho) dramatically transforms in the summer to a kind of paradise. I takes an annual long hard winter once a year to see and appreciate that.

This last winter was one of the toughest I'v ever waded through so I'm really looking forward to the changes warm weather may bring.

The Room With Many Windows

It was our TV room.  The focal point was a 1959 Zenith portable black and white TV that had the annoying habit of losing its vertical hold thus making the picture flip over and over, making it un-watchable until someone got up to play with the “vertical hold dial” until it became stable.  The TV sat on a low table and was next to the door that led out into the back yard that was filled with the promise of adventure in the woods and undiscovered neighborhoods. A giant maroon couch sat opposite; somehow garnered from my grandparents.  I remember it being big enough to hold myself along with two brothers and two sisters.

One wall was filled with double-pane windows, each of which opened with a crank.  I once broke one of those expensive windows with a championship-like 3 wood from the far reaches of the back yard.  It seemed impossible that the house was at risk at that distance, but my 7 year old brain was wrong.

Along the opposite wall were light colored wood bookshelves with cabinets beneath which contained my entire collection of toys including beloved GI Joes and a matchbox car collection.  One shelf contained a dark red and blue World Book Encyclopedia circa 1950 or so.  Many a school assignment was completed using that particular resource.  An encyclopedia scent would emanate from pages that had maybe never been opened before. The more often visited pages smelled of peanut butter and jelly.

Next to those book shelves was the best part of the room.  It was a traditional single hung sash pane window that opened to…not the great outdoors…but the living room.  Yes, an outside window stood inexplicably between our TV room and the living room. I used to open it every once in a while just because I could and I thought it was really cool.

I was probably 30 before it occurred to me to ask my father about the window.  He told me when the house was being built the TV room was meant to be a screened porch and he changed his mind and asked for a regular room.  The contractor told him the window was already framed and my dad said “What the hell, leave it in.” That made it even more cool.

I met a real Freedom Rider today: Max Pavesic

He was a Freedom Rider in 1961 and he "and 14 others, black and white, held their ground in a “whites only” waiting room in a train station until they were charged with a breach of peace.

Nonviolent but defiant, the Freedom Riders were hauled off to a maximum security prison and held there near death-row cells for the misdemeanor crime." (Source Bonner County Daily Bee)

I admire Harville Hendrix.  he is founder of Imago therapy which is a widely accepted modality for couples therapy.  I am a believer in his theory, but that's not the sole reason for my admiration.

Harville Hendrix was a professor teaching couples therapy to psychology students when he was divorced.  In fact, her went from the courthouse to teach a class. Here he was, an expert in the field of partner counseling, in a failed marriage.  As it turns out his students knew where he was and greeted him with compassion.  A discussion about relationships ensued where each student shared personal details about past and present relationships.

At the end of class a student asked him what keeps couples together.  He answered: I have absolutely no idea.

That is why I hold him in such high esteem.  When a person regarded as an expert can say those words in the context of their expertise great powers are unleashed.  Having the humility to question ones self and to say so out loud is a great strength. Removing ego and opening the door to new ideas is where true innovation is born.

Over the next year he developed Imago Therapy and subsequently changed the lives of thousands of people.

So sometimes I'm an idiot.  Not a lot, but I'm entirely capable. This weekend I whipped up a major IRS/ Tax issue for myself.  I had nightmares about it - I was actually eaten by a whale.

Only a day or so after I blog about being annoyed with people that use the internet to support their crazy views...I do EXACTLY that!

I calmed down, checked my sources - found better ones and it turns out it was a false alarm.

Not only an idiot but hypocrite as well.

Cheers!